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santorini

Posted on Monday, February 26th, 2007

santorini…

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thank you

Posted on Sunday, February 25th, 2007
we say “hi, how are you?”, we say “thank you” but are we really meaning it?
or is it just a cliche? like “how are you?” “fine”.
are we even listening for the answer? would we hear if insted of “fine” she/he would say “bad”?
or it would shocking to hear someone breaking the unsaid rule of “how are you? – fine”?
it doesn’t matter how bad we are feeling, we always give a faint smile and answer”fine”
is “terrible, but thank you for asking” so stupid?
what about when we are asking “how are you”- are we really wanna know how is that person doing? i mean we are asking that every person we haven’t seen that day. if they would say”terrible”, would we really wanna hear why?
words were “invented” to communicate. but are we? yess, we are using them to hide our feelings :) but we also comunicate.
but the basical comunication between persons is mere words.
thank you- we use it every day. are we meaning it? every time i am saying thank you to friend that helped me woth something, or just for calling me, i mean it. and i wish that friend would know i mean it, it was not just a word
on the other had, why do we, always, when someone is offering us something, making us a gift, or helping us, start with”oh, you shouldn’t have…”, “oh, i can’t accept this…”, “it is too much…”, etc. why don’t we just say “thank you”, to show that person how much we appreciate it. and i mean say THANK YOU, not just pronounce the words.
it just came to me as i was thinking of a friend who thanked me yesterday in a way that embarassed me a little, cause, even if i think it was the most beautiful way to thank someone, even if “it wasn’t the case”, it took me by surprise.

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losing

Posted on Wednesday, February 21st, 2007
i love the moment.
i love the past.
i hate the future.

i love the moment cause i have all these wonderful people i know here. i love them with their laughs and their smiles, i love them with their tears and their smalltalks, with their questions and with their problems, with their loves and their envies. i don’t necessarily interact with them every moment, but i feel them around and i feel home.

i love the past cause it brings me all these memories, all these things o learned from the people i met, all these feelings i had for them. i sometimes see a place or hear a song that remembers me of a past event so clearly as it were yesterday. i feel then the way i felt in the past when it actually happened. and it brings togheter a little bit of sadness.

i hate the future for it will sooner or later bring and end to it. i hate the future cause for a reason or another will take away people from around me. i hate it cause it is merciless. i hate it cause i don’t know it.

a friend of mine, who is also our dance teacher, had an accident today and it was mere luck he got unharmed. and i realised how fragile this whole world around me is. it makes me furious for not being able to do anything about it. it makes me sad for not being able to help.
i love dancing, and i consider our friend to be the heart of our dance school, as, first of all, he was its founder. and i realised today that this also will not last forever. someday i will not dance anymore. this thought is frigthening me, crawling into my heart cold and threathening. i cannot imagine now myself not dancing. it is part of me as it is my blood.

i saw once the video of “dance me to the end of love” – leonard cohen – it was about losing the loved one and it broke my heart.

i cannot even think about this. but i can think only this: when the time will come, if we will be old, i wish to die second. cause i cannot wish the one i love to remain alone :(

i wish i could just look smiling into the future, but i feel as it has nothing good to offer, only losts.
and i don’t feel i have the heart for it.
i know i have to stop thinking like this, i am not doing it every moment, but there are times when all these comes into my mind and it is impossible to ignore them.

so, i stick ot the moment, and the near future:) , cause this means expectations and excitment.
and to this i can smile.

on the very near future i have somethig to work (that i started last night and stopped in order to sleep)

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