feeling

On April 2, 2007 by alinaki
it is so important to me the way i feel about a thing, situation or person. in most times it affects me more than i want. my mind tells me not to worry about a thing or another, or to cool down when i get angry, but i can’t help feeling it. i can be forced to do or not something, but no one can force me feel or not feel the way i do. i miss the way i felt each time i saw the sea. it gave me shivers.
i miss the way i felt when i was with my father. i felt admiration and trust.
i miss the way i felt in greece, each time i was there. it felt euforic, and exciting. i loved hearing greek all around me, i loved the architecture, the heat, the sun, the warm nights, my greek friends’ passion for life, but above all, the sea. so blue. each time i listen greek music, drink a frappe, eat sea food, i remember that feeling. it is not necessarily about the frappe or the music. it is what i feel in the meanwhile.
i love seeing new places, being somwhere i have never been before.
i miss the way i felt as a child. all those little problems, unimportant actually, but meanning everything then. somethimes, when i do some stupid thing or to my friends i am feeling the same way.
i miss doing all those stupid things i wasn’t allowed to do, and fearing my mom will find out, and that feeling of excitment of not having got caught. now i don’t do to many stupid things anymore, being an adult and being suppposed to have a brain on my head. but the feeling would still be the same.
i miss my first dates, for that feeling of thrill and excitment.
i looove being in love. that “i cannot imagine life without you” feeling. smiling in the morning when you see him sleeping.
i love the feeling i have when i receive presents. it doesn’t matter what it is, it can be a folded paper. but the fact that someone is giving it to me makes me enjoy it like a child.
i love meeting new people, learning aobut them, exchanging points of view on a thing or another.
i looooove salsa. i love the way it makes me feel. alive, pushing my limits, dinamic, and sometimes sexy ;) it makes me laugh when i make mistakes, it makes me feel like a child receiving a candy when i dance good. it became part of me. every dance means for me an option to learn more, to try. i love the feeling i have in shows. hahaha. panic. but i have that feeling of trust in my partner, even if he is mistaking, even when i don’t let myself being lead, i know he is the one leading, and i know it’s gonna be ok.
there are a few people i don’t like too much, not only because of something they did to me or to someone close, but because i have this feeling of not trusting them. i just feel it and cannot ignore it. and when i do something wrong to someone, it is awfull. i wish i could just move on and see my interests. but i can’t. i am the worst combination ever: i do a stupid thing and regret it. even if i am analizing it, and reanalizing it, finally in most cases i do it as i first felt like. cause otherwise i will always have that frustration of doing something against the way i felt. but, again, i am not doing important mistakes:) , but small stupid ones. at work it feels frustrating to give up to someone that was not right, and dropped the responsability for an action on your shoulders, only because he/she is ierarhically superior. this is the way ierarchy is supposed to work, and i find it bullshit. but this is something i can forget easily, cause it is just work.
i love making photos, first, cause i wanna “keep the moment”, and second cause each time i will watch them, i will remember the feeling i had when making them.

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