On April 24, 2007 by alinaki
i love watching people on the streets. everytime i take a cab, i just watch them as i pass by. most of times not thinking of anything, just watching. they are part of the scenery then, not individuals, but pieces of a whole. i love clearing my thoughts and just watching the crowd. i do it sometimes in salsa, when i just listen to music and watch couple dancing.
other times i am sunk deep in my thoughts and i don’t actually see them. but they are there, walking, living their lives, surrounding me.
other times, i am studying them. i look at what they are wearing, at the way they walk, their faces. and then they become individuals to me. they become lives and stories, and sadness, and happyness.
i sometimes actually look at some of my clients. specially at old people. there is so much in their eyes. so much we don’t have. it’s probably the years that passed, and the losts they suffered, and the joys they felt. the patience they’ve gained. and the sadness at their own weakness and their pain. at the inevitable. and i cannot stop thinking about my grandparents. and my father. cannot stop finding similarities. i cannot stop finding things in common. i cannot stop the pain. as if i am searching for them. for a look, or for a smile that would look live. i have their images in my head and heart, i remember them, but it is painfull. cause i never find it. it is never enough. and then it’s coming back to my mind they are really gone. no look, no smile, no voice that resembles to theirs is enough. none is the same. it is not them.
and i am thinking that all the smiles in the world could not stop the pain of missing them. could not stop the regret. and i am not giving this pain for all the smiles in the world.

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